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I wonder how many people get burned out trying.

I can understand a person being burned out because they work too hard, or strive for professional accomplishments too ardently, or push too intensely on the court, or never get to use their adult voice except on Sundays. But I am burned out just trying to be someone, something, and not nothing.

The 21-year old me really needed to know that an attitude of “I have my whole life ahead of me” is killing the me now. How much easier it would have been then to become someone.

The fear of dying an invisible person, the person I created and now want to color with wild, vivid colors that people and communities appreciate and desire exhausts me. It’s exhausting.

It’s exhausting.

And today is one of those days I want to give up and go to sleep. The inspirational books, the memes, the podcasts, the highlighted motivational words in magazines, the TED talks and YouTube Videos, the positive affirmations in my journal, the fake-it-till-you-make-it smile, are piled so high I am drowning. Trying is suffocating me.

And then, the air bubble that gave me one small breath of clean, fresh air came from a chance I took at being vulnerable with the owner of my favorite coffee shop. No judgment. Just compassion. Empathy. And a gift out of God’s grace, because it’s who she is tells me I am not invisible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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